Warning: This blog post is rated PG-13. Children under 13 must be accompanied by a parent.

Last Saturday night I spent the evening at Beefcakes, a burger bar in Illovo. A burger bar with nightly drag shows and hot, minimally dressed waiters.

Tequila shot

The “boys” (and one girl) of Beefcakes. The guy in the middle, Simon, was my waiter.  Lucky me. (Simon, by the way, is a law student and part-time power-lifter.)

Beefcakes was on my list of places to check out for the SandtonPlaces book. I had to go there, okay? This is serious business.

Serious, just like this drag queen.

Dreamz show2

Okay, maybe she’s not that serious.

Actually, Beefcakes is not serious at all. But I was there on a serious assignment.

My first job was to assess the burgers. I ordered the “Brokeback” (hehe): “Spicy chorizo sausage sliced and placed on top of melted mature cheddar cheese, and caramelised onion.”

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The Brokeback.

The Brokeback was delicious. I devoured it all, in a very serious manner. I also had a chocolate chip brownie milkshake, which was pretty good but unnecessary in hindsight. I could have done without the fries or the shake, actually. The Brokeback was enough on its own.

My next job was to watch the evening’s entertainment: a three-girl show called the Dreemz.

I don’t think words can really do the Dreemz justice.

Dreamz show4

Two of the three Dreemz. They changed clothes at least 10 times in 30 minutes.

Dreamz show1

A serious moment with the Queen of the Dreemz. I forgot to get their actual names. Sorry, Dreemz.

Dreamz show3

A Dreem impersonates Celine Dion. This was my favorite part of the show.

Saturday night is bachelorette night at Beefcakes. The room was with packed with rowdy gangs of girls in funny hats, whooping it up with their brides-to-be. The bachelorette parties (called “hen parties” in South Africa) were kind of entertaining, but I would have preferred to be part of an audience with more men. Next time I go to Beefcakes it’s going to be on a Friday night, when the theme is “Fags and Hags”. That will be perfect for me.

At the end of the show, all of the waiters (and one waitress) went up onto the stage and drank a celebratory shot of tequila. And then the waiters, ahem…stripped.

Beefcakes boys

For some reason I was not prepared for this. The sight rendered me speechless.

My friend Anita and I looked at the stage, then at each other, then back at the stage. Neither or us closed our mouths for a minute or two.

After the show, members of the audience can purchase body shots (R300 each) with the Beefcake boy of their choice.  Don’t know what a body shot is? I’ll let you imagine, or google it. I did take a few body shot photos but I can’t show them here. After all, this is a serious blog.

I definitely hope to go back to Beefcakes soon. For the burgers.

Okay, for Simon too.

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