Medieval Wench for an Evening

Last night I found myself in the back of a taxi — a legit South African minibus, minus the filth and missing floor panels. The taxi driver’s name was Shadrack. I nodded to the rap tunes blasting from the sound system beneath my feet as we hurtled out of Joburg and toward the Cradle of Humankind.

It was dark. I couldn’t make out the faces of the seven other taxi passengers, which didn’t really matter because I’d never met any of them before (except one, who I’d met once several months ago). I didn’t even know anyone’s name yet. It was difficult to talk above the sound of the stereo.

I wasn’t worried though. We would get to know each other soon enough. Shadrack’s taxi was transporting us on a journey back in time.

Disembarking from Shadrack’s taxi at Greensleeves Medieval Kingdom. Unfortunately I didn’t get a photo of Shadrack. The name has a medieval ring to it, don’t you think?

Our destination was the Greensleeves Medieval Kingdom. I won’t bother explaining what it is; the name is self-explanatory and the photos will speak for themselves. But I had driven past this place several times before and always felt an itch to check it out. I’m a fan of the medieval and renaissance eras — Shakespeare, King Arthur, and all that. The Mists of Avalon is my favorite book and I was a regular attendee at the Maryland Renaissance Festival back home. So when I received an invitation to participate in a group outing to Greensleeves, I eagerly accepted.

Upon arrival at Greensleeves, our first task was to don medieval garb. I was nervous, fearing that I’d struggle to find the right size and the outfits would be fussy and uncomfortable. These fears were unfounded. The costume staff operated like a well-oiled machine, directing us to the racks with our sizes and making suggestions. They also called me “milady”, which I appreciated. I found the perfect frock in less than ten minutes.

The Greensleeves dressing room. Pardon the terrible photograph — best I could muster under the circumstances.

Once our group was properly attired, we headed to the main building for dinner and entertainment. We were seated with the rest of our party at a long wooden table.

This blurry self-portrait is the only shot I have of my awesome medieval hat.

We were introduced to our entertainer, a man named “the Baron” who did bawdy medieval schtick and forced members of the audience to engage in a myriad of embarrassing behaviors. The Baron was funny, albeit a bit too loquacious in my opinion. By the end of the evening I had had quite enough of him.

The Baron informed us of several rules. First, there was to be no clapping. We were to display our approval by banging our wooden mallets upon the table. Second, the Baron reminded us that we had traveled back to an era before women’s liberation, when ladies existed solely to please their lords. If a lord at the table required salt for his food (a necessity because the food was on the bland side), a lady at the table must get up and go to the table of the Archbishop, curtsy, and say, “Please sire, I require salt for my squire.” The Archbishop would then bequeath thee a pinch of salt. I think I was the only lady at my table who actually did this.

Laughing at the Baron over a steaming iron pot of soup. Note that the Greensleeves signature drink (at left) is something called “Ye Half Yard”. Not very medieval-looking. I was also disappointed that beer was served in regular glasses rather than medieval-style steins.

I don’t know how to caption this photo but had to include it.

Dinner was served in several courses.

Course #1: vegetable soup and bread. The soup tasted like Campbell’s.

Another rule: No utensils allowed, except knives. We slurped the soup.

Greg prepares to slurp. He’s not happy about it.

There was embarrassing, audience-participatory entertainment between each course. At one point I found myself dancing the can-can with a line of women at the front of the hall, kicking up my velvet skirt and sashaying in a circle. I should have worn more lady-like shoes than my Dansko clogs.

At long last, the main course was served.

Matt is excited about the massive platter of meat.

The evening wound down quickly after dinner, as it was close to 11:00 p.m. by the time we finished. But for those wanting to continue the mirth, a disco opened in the chamber next door. There was also a big screen showing photos taken of the evening’s events. I was afraid to look and see if I was featured.

A jester and his wench check out the slide show.

A couple of us did a quick twirl around the deserted disco floor before leaving. Here is Jackie, whose medieval street name is Cinderella, shimmying to “Celebration” by Kool & the Gang.

Alas, all too soon it was time to change out of our magical clothes and catch our carriage home before it turned into a pumpkin. Shadrack awaited.

I enjoyed my evening at Greesleeves, mostly for the costumes and the cool people I was with. I must say though, I expected more. There was no jousting or swordplay, and the food was lacking for the price — somewhere around R300 (about $40) per person, excluding drinks and tip. Costume rental was an additional R75 ($10), but that part was totally worth it.

I’m now in the market for a medieval-style velvet dress.

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26 Comments

  • Reply chuckv88 May 13, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    You looked splendid M’lady!

  • Reply Howlin' Mad Heather May 13, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    Awesome! Looks like you had a blast. I got to do this for Thanksgiving one year, but it was nowhere near as authentic as this was.

    • Reply 2summers May 13, 2012 at 6:03 pm

      Yes, authentic except for the disco and the half yards 🙂

      • Reply Howlin' Mad Heather May 13, 2012 at 6:05 pm

        Kind of like that bit in “The Cable Guy” about no forks in medieval times, but somehow there was Pepsi. 🙂

  • Reply Kathryn McCullough May 13, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    Sounds like a fun evening, Heather. I love the dress! Hope you’re having a great Sunday.
    Hugs,
    Kathy

  • Reply Slowvelder May 13, 2012 at 9:48 pm

    I think I am the only person who lived in jhb who has never been to Greensleves and I always wanted to go. You look stunning in your outfit.

    • Reply 2summers May 13, 2012 at 9:51 pm

      Thank you! And you’re not the only one. My landlord has lived here forever and has never been either, even though he also wants to.

  • Reply Eugenia A Parrish May 13, 2012 at 9:54 pm

    We go to the L.A. Renaissance Faire pretty regular, and here in our little desert town we had a group that wasn’t precisely Medieval, called the Arthurian Realm. Unlike the groups that sneer if you’re not historically accurate, we allowed Merlins and dragons and sorceresses. And we wore the silk of the nylon worm and the hide of the Nauga beast. But the local kids loved it. Unfortunately, we started to run into insurance problems and such, so we disbanded. But I do love it all — Dress-Up for grown-ups!

    Just as an add-on, we once went to Medieval Times, which I think is similar to your experience. We waved roast turkey legs and cheered knights on horseback down in an arena. Most people go there in modern dress (tourists) but we all went in our Arthurian garb. And people would come up and ask where the restrooms were. Thought we worked there. My favorite memory, though, was our waiter whose name tag said “I’m your surf, Lance.” Only in California.

    • Reply 2summers May 13, 2012 at 10:18 pm

      Hahaha! Great stories. I’ve actually never been to Medieval Times, although I used to live very close to one. I do think Greensleeves is similar but on a much smaller scale. There’s no arena, so sadly no knights on horseback or jousting. I think they need to expand!

  • Reply Kim Kirk May 14, 2012 at 5:11 am

    That sounded like a lot of fun Heather. I remember going to a medieval feast in England in 1968. It was no utensils, toss the bones over your shoulder and there were dogs to eat the bones.
    My favourite Middle Age fest was in France in a small village years ago. You could get in to the village if you had a tethered cow or goat or if you where in costume. They had oak barrrel building and all kinds of old crafts. It was fantastic. I am really happy you are having a good time in SA.
    I cought 4 big trout today on the Saugeen Indian reserve river. There have been 6000 trout up the river this year alone. Kim

    • Reply 2summers May 14, 2012 at 9:21 am

      Wow. Did your tethered cow or goat get slaughtered for the medieval feast? That’s hard core.

  • Reply Tenney May 14, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    Shadrach, Mesach, and Abenego — three biblical characters who were cast into a burning pit by an evil ruler and saved (by God I believe). Also a song by Louis Armstrong (I think)

    • Reply 2summers May 14, 2012 at 8:58 pm

      Wow Dad. Since when are you up on your biblical characters? I’m impressed.

      • Reply Tenney May 14, 2012 at 9:48 pm

        As a child, I used to have nightmares about that burning pit.

  • Reply aspiringimagesbyrachel May 14, 2012 at 6:33 pm

    Funnily enough, my cousin’s name is Shadrack. Until now, I never had heard of anyone else with that name!

    • Reply 2summers May 14, 2012 at 8:59 pm

      It’s an awesome name. If I ever have a son, there is a good chance that I will call him Shadrack.

  • Reply Owls May 14, 2012 at 10:52 pm

    William Styron wrote a wonderful short story called “Shadrack.” Check it out some time.

    • Reply 2summers May 15, 2012 at 7:49 am

      I’m up for any story called Shadrack!

  • Reply The Week That Was: Follow the Yellow Brick Road « Prawn And Quartered May 15, 2012 at 3:17 am

    […] Medieval Wench for an Evening at 2Summers. Who knew there were medieval-style banquets, complete with period costumes, in Jo’burg? I sure didn’t, and this post had me smiling from ear to ear. […]

  • Reply thedatarat May 17, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Thank you for sharing this.

    The DataRat

  • Reply Zac Ward October 1, 2012 at 1:04 am

    Just some Fun Facts:
    In 607 BC Babylon under King Nebuchadnezzar destroyed Jerusalem and took captives. Among them was three Jewish boys named Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah. The King gave them the Babylonian names Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. The King commissioned a large Idol built and required everyone to worship it. If they would not then they would be thrown into the fiery furnace. The three boys refused to do it and after a second chance in front of the king the furnace was super heated and they were thrown in. The guards that threw them in died from the heat. The three boys walked around in the fire with an angel until the King who was quite scared by now called them out.
    Since their God “Jehovah” had saved them the King made a law that anyone saying anything bad about the Hebrew God would be killed and their home would be turned into a public privy.

    Daniel Chapter 3 and Psalms 83:18 An account best read in a King James Bible published before 1970.

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