The Melville Cat in the lounge

The Melville Cat: I’m a Columnist

The Melville Cat is a published columnist. Please read his column below.

I was invited to write an opinion piece for the Melville Residents Association newsletter. This comes as no surprise. I have resided in Melville for a decade and I am the most famous and well-respected feline in the suburb. I am also an experienced blogger.

The Melville Cat in the lounge

I’ve lived in three Melville residences during my life. In 2011 I resided in two homes at once, unbeknownst to the humans involved. I convinced the humans of each home that I lived in their home only, thus procuring double the food (including chicken treats) and double the stroking of a normal cat. The humans eventually discovered my ruse but it was lovely while it lasted.

Since 2012 I have resided exclusively with a human called Heather (2Summers), and later with her human partner Ray. Life in the 2Summers household has been pleasant; I still receive a larger than average amount of stroking and chicken treats.

I experienced a hiccup in 2015 when the household moved from one side of Melville to the other, and the humans deceived me into coming along. I was displeased with the move at first, as this new Melville territory was unfamiliar to me.

The Melville Cat in the bushes

I was so displeased, in fact, that I escaped the property to conduct some further explorations and became disoriented and lost. I wandered Melville alone for many days, singing the sad song of my people, and eventually found myself in a foreign territory called Westdene. It was dreadful.

A kind human named Danielle rescued me from the streets of Westdene and began to research my identity. She found my writings online; I’m surprised she wasn’t already familiar with them. Danielle is kind, but perhaps not very well read in the feline non-fiction genre.

Danielle contacted Heather, who came to Westdene and restored me to my rightful home in Melville. Since that experience I have come to appreciate the value of living in Melville, where I am well known and have access to a steady supply of chicken treats.

The Melville Cat in the kitchen

These days, I am careful to stay in my home territory and spend most of the time in my house and its immediate surrounds. I pay no mind to the other hysterical Melville felines who wander frequently into my territory, stealing bites of my food. Their behavior is beneath me.

I just remembered that this article was meant to be an opinion piece. Here is my opinion: Melville is a better place thanks to the Melville Cat.

The Melville Cat on the floor

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10 Comments

  • Reply David Kirkness April 5, 2017 at 2:48 pm

    love it !

  • Reply Mellissa Bushby April 5, 2017 at 3:00 pm

    The ever gorgeous Smokey! What a beautiful feline you truly are. Didius Cattius doth send greetings ♥

    • Reply 2summers April 5, 2017 at 5:22 pm

      Thank you Didius.

  • Reply autumnashbough April 5, 2017 at 3:29 pm

    Well done, MC. Best cat column I’ve ever seen. I hope you get extra treats.

  • Reply catji April 5, 2017 at 3:32 pm

    🙂 hahhahah! 🙂 Love it!

  • Reply Gail Scott Wilson April 5, 2017 at 3:58 pm

    Love it.

  • Reply Margaret Urban April 5, 2017 at 4:25 pm

    Thanks Melville Cat! You made me smile on a day that had me feeling glum 🙂

    • Reply 2summers April 5, 2017 at 5:19 pm

      Oh, I am so pleased to hear that I have improved your day.

  • Reply Ellen April 6, 2017 at 12:48 am

    Dear Smokey, Please tell Heather that your blog should be in a book. It would sell like crazy, and make your people very rich. Personally, I believe that your blog is even better than Heather’s. Don’t tell her I said so!

    • Reply 2summers April 6, 2017 at 1:12 am

      Hahaha. I promise I will not tell her.

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