From the Melville Cat: A Kitten in My Castle

Dear readers,

A kitten has invaded my home.

Please help.

Sincerely, The Melville Cat

Trixie the kitten
Yes, I’m sure you find her charming. But I assure you, this kitten is a terrible menace.

Several days ago, Heather came into my house with a large crate. I peered between the bars and hissed with disdain: Inside were several piles of squirmy, dun-colored fluff.

Four young felines? Five? I couldn’t count.

Smokey laughing
Dirty, dun-colored baby felines in my house. Ha!

“They’re from Hillbrow,” Heather told me. “Remember the other kitten I brought from Hillbrow, many years ago?”

I have never been to Hillbrow. I do not remember, nor do I care.

An hour later Heather left the house and took the crate with her. I was relieved.

Alas, she returned the next day. This time she emptied the crate of Hillbrow fluff onto my bathroom rug.

Trixie the kitten with her brother and sister
Three squirmy piles of feline fluff on my bathroom rug.
Trixie and her sister
Two filthy fluff balls. The kittens’ eyes were dirty and runny when they arrived from Hillbrow.

There were three young felines. I could see their noses and paws through the crack under the bathroom door.

Heather spent lots of time in the bathroom. Sometimes she took other humans in with her. I heard them squealing and laughing through the closed door.

I was not allowed to go into the bathroom. Not that I even would have cared to.

A day or two later, a human woman came and left with one of the fluff balls. Another fluff ball left the next day. I assumed eventually they would all be gone.

Then one evening I came home and found a small feline roaming freely throughout my house.

Kitten and newspaper
The kitten who invaded my castle.

Trixie the Kitten (Menace)

“Her name is Trixie,” Heather said. “Isn’t she sweet?”

I snorted.

Heather thinks I need a companion. “You’re getting older now,” she said. “It will be good for you to show this kitten the ropes. She’ll be good company and she’ll keep you on your toes.”

Hmmph. Why must I show this fluff ball the ropes? And anyway, what ropes? And anyway, I don’t have toes, I have claws. I have no problem whatsoever staying on them.

Trixie and Smokey
I’m not showing this feline any ropes. She can find the ropes herself.

I’ve been largely avoiding the house since the invasion of Trixie the kitten. I come inside two to three times a day, to eat and inspect the premises. The kitten is always there.

Each time I greet her politely, nose to nose, and then recline onto the cool tile floor. Each time, Trixie tries to attack my tail (how rude) and I am compelled to discipline her with a hiss and a swat. I then depart the house through the cat flap, which Trixie is not smart enough or strong enough to use.

Trixie stalks SmokeyTrixie stalks Smokey’s tailSmokey swats Trixie
Smokey mad at Trixie
She’s a menace, I tell you. A fluffy, dun-colored menace.

Heather says I’ll get used to Trixie eventually. I have my doubts.

However, I have decided to let the fluff ball dine with me.

Trixie and Smoket eating
As long as she sticks to her own plate, I’ll allow it.

That’s all I have to say about Trixie the kitten (menace) for now. But I do have one other piece of news:

In addition to bringing a dun-colored feline fluffball into the house, Heather has also brought a human man.

Trixie and Kevin
Trixie and Kevin, a human man. He seems to like the fluff ball. I can’t imagine why.

I like Kevin the human man quite a lot. He can stay.

But I wish Trixie the fluff ball would go.

Hmmph.