From the Melville Cat:

Good day. I must confess the title of this post is rather misleading.

Today may very well be my birthday. Then again it may not. (Felines don’t bother remembering birth dates.) But the dear Ms. M, my original human caretaker, told Heather she believes I was born in or around December 2007.

I am now at or near the age of 12: the equivalent of 64 years by human measurements.

I am a venerable older gentleman and ready to enjoy my golden years. Hence I have chosen today, Friday the 13th of December, to celebrate myself and my accomplishments to date.

Accomplishments of the Melville Cat

December 2007 (or thereabout): I am born somewhere, to someone. I do not remember the circumstances of my birth or who my parents are. I have many siblings.

February 2008 (or thereabout): Ms. M discovers me in a cage inside the dreadful veterinarian’s office, capering about with a brood of gray siblings. Ms. M can not resist my charms and brings me to her home on Melville’s 6th Avenue.

I live a pleasant life with Ms. M, accompanied by a large family of humans, felines, and canines.

August 2010: As I grow older, I become consumed with the desire to wander far and wide through the streets and gardens of Melville. I particularly enjoy one wild Melville garden, a few houses away from Ms. M’s.

One day a new human arrives in this garden and begins to take my photograph. I later learn this human’s name is Heather.

September 2010-August 2011: I continue to visit Heather and her boyfriend Jon on a routine basis. Naturally, they become attached to me and begin to feed me and invite me inside their home. Heather and Jon are convinced I am female (silly humans) and call me Squeak — a name I find offensive.

I inwardly laugh at the error of their ways. But I enjoy the chicken and milk they feed me and thus remain silent.

Ms. M is none the wiser, as she has become accustomed to my long wanders. I live quite happily in both homes.

September 2011: The jig is up. Ms. M discovers my deception and reveals to Heather and Jon that I have been living a double life. Months of confusion ensue. Heather and Jon, now enlightened regarding my true name (Smokey) and gender (male), encourage me to return to Ms. M.

But the feline forces above have other plans for me. I continue to reside primarily in Heather’s back garden.

December 2011: Tragically, Jon dies. I know Heather needs me, and Ms. M provides her blessing.

On a dark December night, I leap though Heather’s window and take my rightful place at the corner of her bed. Heather doesn’t argue. I start my life anew as Smokey, the Feline King of Melville, and begin to blog regularly as the Melville Cat.

January 2012-August 2018: Years pass. I have many adventures. One day my eye stops dialing. Another day I get stuck on the roof and experience a dramatic rescue.

I am forced to live with a blasted cone on my head.

Heather moves me to a new Melville house, which I’m not pleased about at first. I briefly depart that house, then return. Eventually I fall in love with my new domain.

I become a published columnist.

September 2018: My world turns dramatically upside down with the arrival of the Midget Fluff Ball Menace.

Life becomes very tiresome with constant harassment, photobombing, and attempted upstaging from this irritating ginger kitten. I’m not happy but I reluctantly accept the Menace is here to stay.

October 2018: I receive my first paid endorsement as a cat food spokesperson. At last, my talents are fully recognized.

July 2019-present: I adjust to my new realities, as one must. The Menace becomes an adult and I allow her to remain. I train her to be an upstanding and honorable feline.

December 2019: I am a distinguished elderly gentleman. I rarely climb trees or murder rodents anymore, nor do I wander the streets of Melville as often as I once did.

I am content to recline on the sofa and watch Netflix programs with Heather, occasionally sharing my space with the Menace.

Life is good.

Despite my advanced age I won’t be retiring as a blogger anytime soon. There will be more Melville Cat stories to follow. Happy holidays.

Read all of the Melville Cat’s blog posts and follow him on Instagram.