It’s Day 70 of the South African lockdown. Perhaps this is a sign that I’ve truly lost my mind, but I’m going to get real and blog about my love life today.
Throughout this long, arduous lockdown blogging marathon, many readers have thanked me for my honesty — for expressing how I really feel about what’s happening to me and to the world. But there is one huge topic I’ve almost completely ommitted: my personal life.
Intimate relationships are difficult to blog about even during “normal” times, and I’m always very careful and intentional about it. Lockdown has turned love, sex, and relationships into even bigger blogging taboos than they were before — especially for single people.
And yet love, relationships, and sex have been the most frequently recurring conversation topics among my single friends, and even many of my non-single friends, during the pandemic. Lockdown breakups, lockdown hookups, lockdown fighting, lockdown online dating, lockdown in-person dating…It’s all happening. We’re all thinking about it but no one is talking about it, at least not publicly. So here goes.
I reconnected with an ex during lockdown. Or he reconnected with me, and I let it happen even though I knew it was probably (okay, definitely) a bad idea.
The apocalypse is nigh, I told myself. And while I’m very happy to be living alone during this lockdown…do I really want to DIE alone? Just kidding (sort of). That was my excuse.
So, that happened. Obviously I can’t go into detail or confess to breaking any laws. But things ended badly, which is no surprise, and this is part of the reason for my current despondent state. Like, I’m joking about it but really it’s quite painful. I feel very alone and the apocalypse might very well still be nigh (#KiddingNotKidding).
This story doesn’t have a clear point. But I want to put it out there. I’m sure a lot of people in the world are suffering from various types of lockdown-related relationship sadness right now, and many are suffering in silence.
I know of at least one person whose marriage is breaking up during the pandemic. I know another who went through a breakup days before lockdown and then wound up trapped in the same house with her ex. I know others who dearly love their partners but are losing their minds being stuck at home together for weeks on end. Still others are just…lonely.
Some of these love life problems are relatively trivial (like mine) and some are very serious. All of it sucks though, and we’re all particularly emotionally vulnerable right now. I have a right to be sad and angry (yoh, I am so angry) about my heartbreak and so do you, even though there are currently much bigger problems in the world.
I hope writing this will make me feel better, and maybe some of the silent heartbroken out there among you will feel better too. Please pass it on to anyone else who needs to know they’re not alone.
Today’s Featured Artist
Today I’m featuring one of my favorite Limpopo artists, Pilato Bulala, who makes incredible sculptures out of scrap metal. I blogged about Pilato in my Ode to Limpopo last year.
Pilato is making some amazing new COVID-19-themed pieces right now, and like all artists — especially artists based in rural areas, where tourists can’t currently go — has very little means to earn a living during the pandemic.
But with some help from the staff at Madi a Thavha, Pilato is still able to sell his work and ship it — even overseas. Please connect with him on Facebook, Instagram, or WhatsApp at +27-72-343-1202 for more information.
Be strong, friends. Or as the Afrikaners say: Sterkte. Talk to you tomorrow.
Thanks for sharing Heather. This lockdown has been such a blessing for me after a horrible 38 year relationship during which I was bullied and very unhappy. I am so glad that I didn’t have to spend lockdown trapped with someone who didn’t respect me. Lockdown has been a time for learning about myself. The slow pace of daily chores and doing what ever I want to do has been wonderful. I do have days when I would love a hug.
I hear you on every level. xxxx
I’m sorry, Heather. I hope that writing about it makes you feel better. I’m sending you some virtual protheas! ????
Thank you!
No problem is trivial for the person who feels it. It’s okay to not always look outside; as long as it doesn’t go on for too long :-/
Thanks 🙂
I am in the category of “love my husband and child/ also losing my mind.”
I realize now that when husband retires I will a) need to get a job where I spend time away from home, b) will need an office with doors, and c) I may kill him anyway.
Hahaha. No one has it easy!
Brave Heather, once again. Believe it, you are. I did my final breakup of a many years long on and off again friendship, about 18 months ago. Painful.
I’d rather be lonely than do that again, but mostly I’m relieved to be alone. Free. Emotionally.
Sending hugs xx
I might be with you on that. This is all really good much work.
Love this story. You were very frank. Lots of crazy scenarios. Imagine just starting online dating then Covid came along! (Not me, married for 44 years …) And I really want one of the metal sculptures. They are cool!
The dating apps are my worst nightmare. I have a couple of friends still on them during lockdown but I can’t imagine anything worse.
There’s a free video mindfulness seminar that’s a few days in that you might be interested in: https://www.magicalmindfulnessretreat.com/
I signed up but I haven’t made the time to check it out yet (too busy hustling!) but maybe you’ll find something good there. Deep breaths. You’re doing just fine, Heather. Remember those pancakes. xo
Oh yes, pancakes! Thanks Lani ❤️
I suspect being locked down with an abusive partner is one of the main, if not the, main reason our esteemed minister of disasters forbade alcohol sales at the time. Can you imagine! On the other hand, here I am locked in with the cleverest, funniest, loveliest person I know. It’s been so cool we don’t want to “come out”. But if I was a rich man I would buy all the craft-art I could stuff into my house. BIts here and there have to suffice.
Yes, being locked down with a domestic abuser is one of the worst case scenarios. Thinking about that as I wrote this made me feel bad about complaining. Sounds like you’re very lucky.
I can not get my head around doing this lock down on my own, so huge kudos for doing it, at what appears to us on the outside, very well. Take care and be gentle on yourself.
Thanks Gail. I do feel like I’ve done pretty well on the whole. But this incident has set me back a bit. Oh well, at least now I can really and truly move on.
Something I read recently resonates: we singles don’t live alone; we live with ourselves.
How much we choose to explore, embrace, change that self – or to share that self – is up to us.
That’s very well said!
So beautifully and sensitively put, thanks Heather
Thanks Carol 🙂
You putting your heart out in front of the world is quite commendable! This is a beautiful write up, you have addressed a problem that seems quite trivial in the first place but has taken a serious toll on the mental health of many around us.
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