I’ve been trying to publish this post for the past two days.
I painstakingly crank out a paragraph, stare at it, read it back a few times, doze off in my chair, scroll Facebook for 20 minutes, read the paragraph again, delete it in disgust. I’ve done this over and over.
In nearly 11 years of writing this blog, I’m not sure I’ve ever felt so creatively stymied.
I want to describe how I feel, but my feelings change by the minute. By the time I manage to put words to the feelings I don’t feel them anymore.
Here’s my new best shot: I currently feel a mix of frustration, dullness, self-loathing, and impending doom, tinged with gratitude, optimism, and an occasional jolt of joy.
[UPDATE: I just had a nice Zoom call with a friend/colleague and now feel better than I felt an hour ago when I wrote the paragraph above. I’m sure I’ll come down again soon so I’m going to leave it.]
Now more than ever, blogging is one of the only activities that makes me feel “good”. But I can’t think of anything to blog about except the pandemic, and I can’t think of anything to say about the pandemic that hasn’t been said many times over already.
Rather than repeat myself or dwell any further on my ever-changing repertoire of pandemic emotions, I will share one positive thing that happened to me this week:
I took a pretty picture of a building in Melville and it seemed to make a lot of people happy (if social media likes and comments are an indication of happiness), which made me feel happy too.
I think the photo resonates with people for two reasons: 1) It’s green — a color many of us have come to crave during these pandemic-lockdown times; 2) It was taken near a well-known Melville corner — 9th Street and Rustenberg Road — but from an angle that most people miss when walking or driving past. (I was standing in the driveway behind the Bamboo Shopping Centre.)
Many people commented that they pass this building all the time but had never seen it in exactly this way. Others reminisced about living in one of the flats, or about businesses their family members once ran in the building. Anyway, it was cool. I enjoyed the responses.
Following a suggestion from my therapist, I thought I’d turn this post into a support group of sorts. So, here goes: Have you experienced an ever-changing repertoire of pandemic emotions in recent weeks? If so, please describe. What has happened to make you feel happy recently?
Feel free to share in the comments below, or on Facebook or Twitter. Or post your own therapeutic green photo on Instagram or Twitter, explain why it makes you happy or sad or something else, and tag #2Summers2021SupportGroup in your caption. I’ll feature the best posts in my Instagram story.
Depending on how things go, maybe I’ll do a series of 2Summers 2021 Support Group posts featuring different colors that make me happy or sad or something else. Or maybe not. I’ll see how I feel.