I haven’t written a 2Summers Support Group post since February and I think now is a good time to revive the series. It’s a strange time to be in South Africa, at least for me. I feel super weird and whiny.
It’s winter and we’re all huddled inside next to our gas heaters. We’re in the middle of a third covid wave — nearly 8900 new cases were reported yesterday — and the country’s vaccine roll-out has barely started. (Only people over 60 are eligible so far.) South Africa’s health minister, who we’d been counting on to help get us out of this mess, has been accused of corruption and put on “special leave”. We have constant rolling power cuts and water outages.
My friends and family in the U.S. are out and about, vaxed and mask-less, wearing shorts and attending weddings and professional sporting events. It feels like much of the world is crossing the covid finish line already, and we’re down here struggling to get out of the starting gate.
I’ve booked a one-month visit to the U.S., leaving two weeks from today. I’ll be seeing my family for the first time in 18 months and I’ll be able to get vaccinated. I’m really excited and grateful for this opportunity (thank you, American passport privilege); South Africans are still banned from entering most Western countries. I’m so fucking lucky and have no right to complain. But I’m also really apprehensive about the trip.
I finished the first draft of my memoir this week, which I should feel excited about. Instead I’m frozen with anxiety over the next step: Rereading my hot mess of a draft and attempting to edit it into something coherent.
Traffic on my blog is at its lowest point in years, probably because I’m not doing much and not excited to blog about the things I am doing. When I do publish a post, I feel like I’m sending it out into a silent void. I’ve always told myself I blog because I love blogging — that the number of people who read is secondary to the joy of writing itself. But the dirty truth is I’ve spent the past 11 years seeking validation from my WordPress stats. The lower the numbers go, the more self-critical I become and the less I want to blog at all.
Can I get an amen from the other insecure bloggers out there? Does anyone else feel this way? Is anyone even reading this?
I woke up this morning, shivering, feeling pressure to blog. But I had zero inspiration. At 8:26 a.m., just as I was settling in front of my computer, the power went out. Fuck. I didn’t want to work in a coffee shop (because covid) but my laptop battery is shot and I can’t work from home without electricity.
In desperation, I drove to Emmarentia Dam and wandered about aimlessly. The sun was out for the first time in days. The park was blissfully warm and quiet. Birds chirped. Dogs scampered.
I spotted a guy at a picnic table in the middle of a huge open field, picking away at a guitar and looking down at his phone. When I got closer, I realized he was giving himself a YouTube guitar lesson.
I wandered over to the upper part of the botanical garden, where the aloes are. The aloes were in full bloom — deep orange against the crystal blue sky. Legions of honey bees buzzed among the blossoms. Glossy starlings, iridescent blue with bright red eyes, and black sun birds with long, delicate beaks flitted about, sipping nectar from the flowers.
I sat on a bench and gazed at the aloes. I was warm for the first time in days and suddenly felt inspired. I silently thanked Eskom for switching the power off.
The electricity was back by the time I got home. I wrote this post. The end.
Momma told us there’d be days, weeks, months …. like this! But hey, imagine us, all living in an interesting time. That must count.
That is actually very true. I need to remember that — thank you.
It really is cold and gets us all down. Keep going Heather! Can’t wait to read your memoirs…..
The cold definitely increases the whine factor by 10-fold.
Hey Heather, your post resonates. Such a shit,kak,cold time in Joburg at the moment! But, as my daughter said today – this too shall pass. We’ll all be vaccinated, it will be summer and this feeling of doom will disappear.
Have a fab trip to your family – enjoy the sun and love xx
Winter just makes everything worse!
Hi Heather. I read everyone of your posts and am loving the roadhouse series in particular. It is good to know that they still exist and where to find them thanks to your blogs.
Enjoy your time with family in the USA. Will we still receive blogs while you are away?
Hi Heather, oh, thanks so much! Yes, I’m sure I’ll blog while I’m in the U.S. I’ve got some adventures planned 🙂
I think everyone is in this strange malaise at the moment. Early winter brings about hibernating tendencies, physically and psychically. Of course the loadshedding and covid isolation does not help. Relax, we still value your posts….the world is changing and everyone is trying to adapt. 🙂
So true…Adaptation is hard!
I am glad you went to the dam and it was uplifting. And I am glad you are coming back to the US for a visit – AND A JAB!!!!! Wish you could take a few million doses bak with you. AND convince the nitwits in this country who are resisting. My favorite quote from a professional American football player today: “I’m not a fan of it at all,” (he) told reporters. “I won’t get vaccinated until I get more facts. … I haven’t caught COVID yet, so I don’t see me treating COVID until I actually get COVID.” Jeez. Duh.
Omg, that’s very frustrating. But yes, I’m really looking forward to being vaccinated! And so grateful. I just have to make sure I don’t get covid before my flight.
Yip I’m back to PJ days and the Hillbrow Tower awaits a moment of motivation/inspiration but my knitting is steaming ahead. We just need to ride these waves that life presents to us. Those aloe flowers against the bright blue sky is enough to make one happy.
Me too 😍😍😍
I hear you! Please keep blogging! Sharing your frustrations helps to know I’m not on my own. Sharing your humour, smiles and lighter moments gives me a little break as well. Good luck with your trip to the US, it’ll be so nice to see family and friends, and get a jab as a bonus! I’m hoping to see family in Germany again, soon, maybe, ish…
Thanks so much Steph! Yes, I know from my German friends that traveling to (and getting vaccinated in) Germany is still quite a bit more difficult. Hoping that changes soon.
You’ve finished the first draft of your memoir? Wow, wow and wowser! Pat yourself on the back girl. Of course you’ve got to go back and re-this and re-that, but what a solid achievement! I’m writing one too and so far, I’ve been at it for nearly a year and a half and I estimate the first draft will be done maybe by October…….so still knee-deep in mud and slogging along. I am hugely jealous. Winter is surely tough but finishing the big push on such a monumental project can give you the post-partum blues.
Thanks Brenda! Yes, the first draft is done but I have no idea how much more work it will require…probably a lot! But my blog really helped — as I went along I realized so much of the story was already written in various blog posts and journal entries Anyway. good luck with yours! It’s so freaking hard.
Cafe du Cirque, Eikenhof. The Missus and I decided to take a drive out to the South. Alberon, where we live, was running on generators to we headed towards Vereeniging on the R59 highway. Just beyond the Blockhouse Engen 1-stop we exited left, turned left again and ended up at the Cafe du Cirque. It is in the farmhouse that used to be the headquarters and home of the Boswell and Wilkie circus families. Every South African over 50 will remember the travelling big tops that visited their home towns in the Old Days. We enjoyed a simple but tasty lunch in the farmhouse, with the clowns and performers looking down at us from old pictures on the walls. It was quiet and tranquil on a weekday afternoon in winter. We have also been there on the weekends when it is a-buzz with cyclists and motor cyclists who use it as a jumping-off place for their country rides. It has an adventure playground where the kids can burn off some extra energy, and if you are lucky the friendly circus ponies will come to the fence to have their muzzles stroked. A lovely bit of country atmosphere less than 50 km from central Johannesburg.
That sounds AMAZING. Thanks for the tip, Stan.
I’m always reading your posts. I also love the Roadhouse series. Keep at it, and have a safe and enjoyable trip back to the US!
Thanks so much!
I’m still reading and loving everything you write Heather. I got first Vax shot on Tues. Also going to see family in Namibia next month. Also feeling frustrated and pointless even though work is going fairly well but the effort required to get anything off the ground is tedious and takes twice as long as it should. So many extra variables to factor in. J am finding social media hateful most of the time. Your post made me feel better as did the fact that I am packing for a y day Lodge shoot. Just feeling this post and having a whinge. Xxx miss you
Miss you too! Social media sucks. xxx
Hi Heather, I think the cold and news of high numbers are the worst. Here in Ireland we are so much more relaxed, with the sun and things and places opening up, but if there is another wave come winter, I cannot even imagine what would people feel like….The rollout is slow too, like almost everywhere, but only about 4 million people, shouldn’t take that long…..The situation in South Africa is very different.
Please continue with your blog posts, I read them and love them, I loved the Blogitech travel series, most places you go, I want to go too when we finally get to SA- you continue to be our connection to Africa, what would we do without you 😻
Thanks so much, Dagmar. Your constant encouragement is very much appreciated 🙂
I think all of us living in South Africa are feeling weird and whiny these! I live in Maritzburg and the area I live in, luckily hardly has any power cuts, maybe because we live barely a kilometer from the freeway and a 24 hour petrol station, but often half the city doesn’t have power. We did go through a stage of water cuts, a few months ago because pipes kept bursting in our neighborhood, which now seems to have been sorted out. Life in South Africa, it certainly makes us more resilient, but right now I’m struggling to see the positives, mostly where the Government are concerned.
I go through periods where I check my blogging stats, but I don’t blog often enough, so I’m not too concerned. I do follow your blog though and enjoy it.
Yes, you are fortunate having your American passport. My Mom and sister live in England, but I am not a British citizen, so I can’t even go, despite having being vaccinated – (I’m a healthcare worker). I was planning on going last year, but we all know what happened last year…. At least you can get the vaccine once you are in the U.S – safe travels.
Wow, that really sucks that you can’t travel to the UK! It’s absurd actually — they are being way too strict. Thank you for the encouraging words 🙂
No lIsten, don’t stop. Writing is writing. The stats don’t matter.people are reading. I stopped blogging and wrote a novel. Sounds like you did both! Take the win.
Well, that is awesome. Congratulations! And thanks 🙂
Congrats on having finished your first draft – that’s a huge step. Like you I’m quite down these last two weeks or so … Cold grey winter days are so un-Joburg :-/ Hopefully forecasts are correct and it will be sunny and warmer from tomorrow … We did have good news from the president today re a big boost to improving the electricity situation – though it will take a minimum or around 18 months to make an impact on supply … should sooner help with decreasing unemployment
Yes, I heard about that right after I published this post! Let’s have that coffee soon 🙂
I read your blog from NZ (born and brought up in Southern Africa) – it helps me keep in touch with real life there, as opposed to grim news articles. All my family still live in KZN. Im a blogger too, and write memoir and encourage you to keep going at your pace rather than to please stats. I blogged throughout our dreadful time of the earthquakes when we lost our city Christchurch. (A different blog from the one I have now). That was a decade ago and I’ve recently put those posts into books (just for me) it was incredible to be reminded how life has changed and I’m really pleased I persisted even on the tough days. You don’t need to be a slave to your blog but remember that recording real life, with all its grittiness, is far more authentic than faking it on social media. Btw – don’t forget backups of your blogs so you don’t lose them 😉
I just read your post about writing memoir – beautiful. Thank you, for this comment and for that post 🙂 Looking forward to reading more.
Hang in there – us expats really depend on your news. The pandemic. will. end. Fantastic photo of the aloes!
Thanks Rosemary!
Please continue with your blog. I don’t always agree with your viewpoint, but I’m sure you don’t expect everyone to do so. You have done a great job of drawing attention to interesting stuff us locals often miss.
I wonder if your US trip will result in you commenting on the recent upheavals in society there . You clearly approved of Joe Biden before his election… so now ?
Hi Ced, thanks for the encouragement!
Regarding the second part of your comment: Ummm, is that a rhetorical question? I still wake up every morning, scroll the American news, and feel intense joy — sooooooooooo much joy, I cannot even explain to you — that we have a sane human being in the White House again.
Still here, still reading, currently in melbourne, halfway vaccinated, but the grey of winter and the lockdowns are hard, but not as hard as rolling blackouts. Glad you got outside. May things get easier. May you be safe and warm and vaccinated.
Thanks so much Debbie Ann. Nice to hear from you and congrats on the first shot. May the Melbourne lockdowns end for good soon!
My blog stats are also way low and I’m not inspired, despite being vaccinated and warm. I think the younger generation is into vlogs and TikToks–their numbers on YouTube are way up, from what I’ve seen.
Glad to hear it’s not just me. I’ve considered moving to YouTube but that seems like a huge pain 😂
I’m reading as always and feel like where wil this end Also over 60 but stil no vaccin. Stil no sms to go and get my jab. A minister who doesn’t care but only about himself. Wintertime in SA. GOODLUCK in USA.
Maarten, you don’t need an SMS! As king as your registered in the system, you can walk in to any public vaccine site and get your shot. Message me privately if you need info 🙂
Nice post
YOU’RE SO LUCKY YOU CAN GO TO THE US! Those with the moolah here in Thailand are heading over to get vaxxed. Our rollout has been quite bad too, but it sounds like SA has been worse. I’m very sorry to hear that and I totally understand your feelings about watching the Western world open up again. What a seesaw it’s been. Have a safe flight and don’t worry about blogging – we all feel the same way, but you’ve played a smart game focusing on SA — folks are just probably busy being outside again! Safe travels! xo
I know, I am so fortunate! I feel so bad complaining about anything, haha. I hope Thailand gets its act together soon 🙂
Thanks for sharing great article!