The Melville Cat: I’m a Columnist

The Melville Cat is a published columnist. Please read his column below.

I was invited to write an opinion piece for the Melville Residents Association newsletter. This comes as no surprise. I have resided in Melville for a decade and I am the most famous and well-respected feline in the suburb. I am also an experienced blogger.

I’ve lived in three Melville residences during my life. In 2011 I resided in two homes at once, unbeknownst to the humans involved. I convinced the humans of each home that I lived in their home only, thus procuring double the food (including chicken treats) and double the stroking of a normal cat. The humans eventually discovered my ruse but it was lovely while it lasted.

Since 2012 I have resided exclusively with a human called Heather (2Summers), and later with her human partner Ray. Life in the 2Summers household has been pleasant; I still receive a larger than average amount of stroking and chicken treats.

I experienced a hiccup in 2015 when the household moved from one side of Melville to the other, and the humans deceived me into coming along. I was displeased with the move at first, as this new Melville territory was unfamiliar to me.

I was so displeased, in fact, that I escaped the property to conduct some further explorations and became disoriented and lost. I wandered Melville alone for many days, singing the sad song of my people, and eventually found myself in a foreign territory called Westdene. It was dreadful.

A kind human named Danielle rescued me from the streets of Westdene and began to research my identity. She found my writings online; I’m surprised she wasn’t already familiar with them. Danielle is kind, but perhaps not very well read in the feline non-fiction genre.

Danielle contacted Heather, who came to Westdene and restored me to my rightful home in Melville. Since that experience I have come to appreciate the value of living in Melville, where I am well known and have access to a steady supply of chicken treats.

These days, I am careful to stay in my home territory and spend most of the time in my house and its immediate surrounds. I pay no mind to the other hysterical Melville felines who wander frequently into my territory, stealing bites of my food. Their behavior is beneath me.

I just remembered that this article was meant to be an opinion piece. Here is my opinion: Melville is a better place thanks to the Melville Cat.

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